went back to hall at 10plus, and helped mesy in sorting out some bizmag stuff. then joined the old people (junfeng jieli alwyn barry huiwen hanming) and mesy theresa clement at the canteen chilling out as they ate pizzas and me coke! uber ups. now the unfinished can of coke is in my fridge just in case i need it!

then just now was lamenting to mesy and clement about how quiet our blk was, then like 1 hour later it's bursting with life as the guys (shianyang jason xianwei darren poohee sont edmund desmond) started popping up. the girls were just me mesy priscilla! now the girls are asleep so i guess that leaves me!

i really heart 47 (esp level3)! i feel that i've made really good friends here whom i can find to talk to in the middle of the night (provided they haven't sleep!). and adsports! heart the huaters! i'm really thankful that i have these bunch of people, otherwise ntu will be so boring! after all, i'm an anti-social person in soci! hoho.

i personally feel that i've went through quite much emotional turmoil this week as i tried to figure out stuffs. eventually i feel that i shld be more non-chalant towards the whole thing. i guess it will take a long time but i shld be able to manage just fine. for now it's just the damned essays and exams!

或许吧。

明明就已经明白我是个局外人，我却硬是要挤进不属于我的世界里。

也许冥冥中我就是注定要知道，好让我真的死心，真的把那堆感情全抛开。

都发生了这么多事，若我真的再不离开的话，后果真的应该会不堪设想吧。

但这是不是代表，我是喜欢你，而不是单纯的只是莫名异样的情绪呢？

就算如此，我也已经无法回头了。

早在我决定开口说出那些话的时候，我就已经有了某种程度的心理准备。

友谊，是我的防护墙。

防护我自己继续坠落下去。

可是我似乎还是忍不住要冲开防护墙啊。

没关系，过了今晚，我会乖乖的躲在那道墙后面，

安安分分的扮着朋友的角色。

我总是在怪那接二连三的意外，但我也明白，

要是我自己能多理性些，之后的事应该都不会发生，

我也不会在这个时候写下这一篇心情了。

如果有天你发现了这篇文章，请你一定要相信，

我已经放下了那些我不该有的。

面对你的，是最纯粹的我。

my second race! and the first race which i ran for almost the whole of 10k! and i ended up with wobbly legs and an area on my left knee which ached like mad throughout the run. think my left knee gonna cui soon, cuz xinying said i'm having runner's knee. ):

before the race was nua-ing in yihao's room after odac bbq (which i didn't go. zzz) with phy claire eirene alvin jac ella kerhan jingchu. played funny games like minimizer and huat 99. i was totally distracted by kerhan's wii because he has raving rabbids! uber retarded. :D went back to hall at 3plus after sending eirene to hall8 to pick up my handphone charger. disturbed wilmond with phy saying wilmond's name in a funny tone outside his room and we ran away. wilmond thought it was xueshen who did it, because when we went back to the stretch of rooms wilmond was going into xueshen's room. turned out that xueshen and phy used to be project partners! hah. and xueshen + jason were singing high school musical songs in xueshen's room. LOL.

just as i was feeling lucky from not tio-ing any tequila pop, i lost in a game of raving rabbids and i drank a uber strong tequila mixer. my stomach felt like burning and i started feeling dizzy. yihao suggested to go out for a walk to clear my head, as well as accompany jac back to her hall. and so we did. but i was feeling so dizzy that yihao hafta like kinda hold me so that i wouldn't bang into any pillars along the way. cui-ed. and that was abt 4am in the morning.

after going back went to nua on the bed and napped abit. thankfully the dizziness went away when i woke up at 5plus and we got ready to go! cabbed to singapore flyer with claire ella jingchu. met alot of odac-ers and hall9ers!

the run was okay, and the scenery was not bad. i was quite satisfied with myself for not stopping so much throughout the run. :D but i was damn nua on my way back to hall with ella.

now gonna go pack my stuff and then go home! yay.

1253hrs

*edited:

my left knee had felt fine when i made my way to amk to get some stuff (and met yuzheng adi shingyi arthur. it was fun chatting with those guys as they tried to be lame and stuff. haha. they mentioned seeing qingliang arnd the area but too bad i didnt see him) and then home. but somehow now my knee is aching like mad. there is pain also at the bottom left side (initially was just at top right) pain pain. ):

in the website it also mentioned to stop running as self-treatment. does that mean i can't go for training this coming week? i wanna go hockey netball softball training! )))):

oh yes my parents bought SOOOOOOOOOOOO many masks from thefaceshop in korea that i can use until 2011 (or even 2012) if i use the masks once per week. and that's on top of the washoff masks i've asked them to get for me from skinfood. and then there's the skincare products from skinfood! wooo i have more than enough cleansers until next year! :D

this week had been a happening week, with monday walking around the tampines bike trail in the morning and then to ikea for lunch (MEATBALLS!) with adsporters, and then going back to hall with gina stacy desmond. the train ride was really damnnnn long. i finished my book along the way! lol. then nua-ed in hall doing halloween deco and chatting. after that it was cooking crabs session in 48 pantry! (with jieli junfeng ziai xinying desmond gina) damn cool and shiok! i love the chilli crab! that night went to jason's room with mesy and xueshen to do tutorials + gossiping and i ended up sleeping there. went back to my room at 4,5plus. :P

then tuesday was the highlight of the week! went out with fangyi waiching jiaqing for dinner in orchard and we walked aimlessly arnd, chatted and took photos! it's been sooooo long since i met up with them! then rushed back to hall for kayak expedition meeting which i was terribly late for. it took me quite a while before i can settle down and do my readings for like 20 minutes before it was time to celebrate wilmond (wednesday) and xingyi (hers is today!) 's birthdays!

as wilmond is a damn high profile dude, and xingyi is the gl for bagos, many ppl turned up! (even more ppl than stacy's birthday celebration) the guys had fun tormenting wilmond with jelly and macs curry sauce thanks to stacy's implementation. and also candlewax and clothespeg and the pillar! :D and we had fun watching! hoho.

ate cake and then it's take photo session! we had soo many ppl that we had to split up into 2 groups to take together. hehe. after that roamed around again, but i slept early! (3plus!) and i woke up before 11 on wednesday. i think i got influenced by xueshen's ponning habit (he ponned all the lectures on tuesday when jason at least attended 2!), because i ponned the whole day! haha. said i was doing my essay and it's true to a certain extent, though i kept dozing off at my table. lol. netball training was at 6 and it was quite shiok running around, because i didn't run as planned on monday and tuesday!

after training went for the ktv session in reading room! was damn fun! had fun screaming our hearts out with changtai (he's 呐喊 type of singer)! but my voice is still damn cui. kiatweng said he's looking forward to hearing me when my voice recovers, and i told him probably after holidays because i need proper rest. ha. sang until 11.40pm when it's supposed to end at 11. after showering went walking arnd aimlessly cuz i have a terrible headache and panadol is taking veryyyy long to take effect. and i ended up in jason's room again doing tutorials with mesy and xueshen. we laughed when i went into the room.

for a while listened to sont playing his harmonica with jason playing recorder and poohee playing his electric guitar. they are so hilarious! and jason knows how to play quite a number of instruments! (guitar, recorder - he can play suteki da ne!, saxophone) then continued crapping and gossiped in jason's room. went to sleep at 3plus!

exams are starting in exactly 4 weeks' time! ohmann. but at least 6 weeks later i'll be free! :D can't wait for all the fun activities in december! :DD

anyway today went out to civilisation! YAY. after brunch in crystal jade went to town! searched for carrom seeds/strikers, but my parents ended up buying a new carrom board with seeds and a striker! though the striker looked kinda dubious but it's nice to have a new board when my intention was to only get the seeds and striker. lol. so gonna play with my younger bro tomorrow! and with my dad when he comes back from korea. he said he used to play damn well!

then i bought books! YAY again! bought 穹风's latest book, and my favourite cecelia ahern's book, Where Rainbows End. i find that book uberly sweet (but not twilight-icky sweet), probably because of the love between alex and rosie that withstood like what, forty plus years before they find got together?! that's truly amazing, considering we live in such a fast-food-love kind of world.

then i started my aimless walk around marina square, citylink and suntec as i waited for the rest (gina stacy desmond) to meet me in marina square to go over to singapore flyer to collect the Nike human race race pack. i waited for 1.5hours before they finally appeared! (apparently after they left botanical gardens they went to have lunch) but at least i was entertained with boris akunin's latest book. and sitting at the outer section of macs under the shade with the slightly hot breeze was niceeeeeee. i shld have sat down earlier! i probably would have been able to finish The Shakespeare Secret.

then finally the 3 of them + yuto joined me! went to collect race pack and saw xueshen (zone8) and stanley on duty! woo. chatted with them a bit before the 5 of us (yuto left and xiaohuan joined us) went back to marina square to do some shopping! ended up at suntec for dinner at MOF plus shopping at topman! I LOVE THE MACHA ICE-CREAM I TELL YOU! uber love. and i saw a woodstock long tee in num! ohmann.

funny thing that i dun panick for my hs101 essay as much as i've panicked for hs102 essay. because the word limit is lesser? hmmm. anyways i shall work on it later in the day, provided i dun get distracted by my laptop. which i think is possible, considering 超级星光大道 has ended and i'm done watching. but i have my booksss! :D

i want to sleep, but i feel that i shld finish editing the hw101 essay which my buddy had done up wayyyy beforehand! i feel guilty for just following his ideas. LOL. but at least i can concentrate on my hs101 essay in the upcoming week! cuz after all there's halloween deco to do along with kayaking expedition and programmers meetings (yes i'm a programmer for hall foc! gonna shoot everyone with my super soaker! HEHSSSSS), meetup with asjabers, netball boggle carrom trainings and not to mention the tutorials. ohdearrrr. but life is good with hall9ers! and odac-ians! gonna have odac bbq next friday! COLOURFUL TOURISTS! such a random and retarded theme. HOHO.

though it was pretty depressing, but i've gained something along the way because i've learned about new stuff about some of the people whom i've talked to. it's comforting to know that i'm not the only one having problems with certain issues, and that there are people out there who really cares for my well-being. though you all would not see it, thanks for all the words. i dun fall down easily, but when i do i would stand up pretty fast and continue walking. i guess i'm too used to hiding my truest emotion behind the grins and the violent actions.

i've promised myself i will get over it, and i will. 5 more weeks to exams and i don't want to jeopardize my studies. hs101 midterms are depressing enough.

街 挤满了微笑

太不适合 眼泪凑热闹

快跑 快寻找 无人的转角

不优雅时候 一个人就好

爱 说退就退潮

我松开手 回忆却没放掉

未来 不来了 地球 继续绕

躲回温暖的梦 我一个人就好

为什么 越相信谁能依靠

越换来又一次 灵魂寂寥

有没有永远 再不会让心绝望的解药

如果说 越踏出世界一脚

越不能保留住天真微笑

那从今以后 我一个人过 就很好

心 很平静的跳

只是寂寞 潜伏像海啸

突然某一秒 偷袭我眼角

眼泪自己擦掉 我一个人很好

went to the library and entered the civilisation like what lormee (jeremy tay) said. was complaining to him about my lack of inspiration to write the hs102 essay that's due next week and he said i should get back to civilisation from pulau ntu. after all, the only places which i've been to for the past few weeks (other than malaysia) were ntu and my home. i could have gone out with hweepeng rosalind cheryl on thursday but there's hall supper. not that i'm complaining about hall supper because it had been terrific! everybody loves singing!

had tremendous fun sabo-ing ppl up for don't forget the lyrics, singing along with them (and thus they guessed the lyrics) and choosing the songs for them! (too bad sont didn't choose Superwoman. we nearly got desmond up to sing Superwoman because he's one of the best singers in hall9 and it's so his type of songs (we had a marvellous singing session on tuesday with changtai and xiaohuan! love that night!) and i managed to sabo the loner lam bhan! wanted to hear his singing after he told me he was being sabo-ed to perform for his course but in the end he and derrick held the mike so far away from them that we can only hear kendrick sing. lol. told kendrick for the next hall supper we shall kidnap lam bhan (they are roomies) and force him to sing. :D sat beside jason and i heard him sing a bit! and then there's kiatweng who made us totally go emo with his rendition of 彩虹 (by Jay of course) and the finale is of course by desmond! his 你不在 was WHOA! totally wonderful. why do we have so many talented male singers in our hall! machiam no females sia. ):

had the recess week withdrawal symptoms initially but soon got back in sync. and then the pressure of hs102 essay due next week came. 2200 words! (word limit la) omg mann. and i was totally clueless on how to get about writing it. but at least i get to destress by chatting with ppl on level 3! apparently i'm like well-known to be corridor ic already. but i don't go around all the time leh! and i might be quitting my role as the stir shitter of 47. let everything 顺其自然 ba!

and then there's _______. wasn't in the right mood at some point of time and i listened to all sorts of songs. but i guess i have kinda thought things through. let everything 顺其自然 because there's nothing i can do now. i have lost the bravery that i used to have a few years ago because the fear of losing is stronger.

我很自然地被冠上兄弟這個稱號，

因為我很不女生地會攻擊男生，而且也很強悍．

有人就這樣勸我說應該回到我最原本的樣子，

當一個真真正正的女生．

但其實強悍一直都是我自我保護的方法，

went to Berkelah, Kuantan, Malaysia from monday (28/9) to wednesday (30/9) with my adsports comm and atc comm. we set off from src in the afternoon and spent the first day buying groceries, clearing the customs, taking 6hrs bus ride from larkin terminal to kuantan terminal and then 1hr cab ride to get to the bottom of berkelah.

we climbed, we sweated, and i fell like mad. apparently the teva sandals that i've bought don't have good grip and thus i had lotsa scars on my legs. the worst came when we were at our destination, for i slipped and fell, and my left elbow hit the rocks, resulting in a swell/bump that has yet to subside.

and of course adsports had lotsa fun in berkelah! we jumped into the waters shouting ADSPORTS THIRD COMM HUAT AH, took funny photos with sparklers and headlights forming various words, had lantern fight with atc, cooked funny things like 金针菇 with cheese, and had sparklers in replacement of candles for our birthday cake to claire and yihao.

we got woken up by 4 noisy adsporters in their tent on the third day (we slept damn early at 12am ok!) and hastily cooked breakfast and camwhored before going down. it was better going down, but i still got some wounds. ):

but we were rewarded with delicious A&W rootbeer floats, burgers, curly fries, and food bought from nearby pasar malam. then we went back to jb in a super hot bus. thankfully it rained after we took a break halfway through the trip, and adsports started a singing session with our mp3 players and speakers.

dinner was at this famed duck rice store where we were treated by eugene and phy (atc and adsports spo-s respectively and the trip leaders for berkelah) [which ahpek said that it's been accounted for in the 60bucks we paid! cheyyyyy!] bought Secret Recipe cakes (alvin pek treated me!)! after dinner headed for the customs and then it's hall sweet hall!

fulfilled my role as a corridor ic as i went for my rounds after bathing and sending my clothes to washing machine. everyone asked abt my elbow (i got wilmond to bandage it so as to restrict movement). thanks for the concern! (lucky i didnt tell jasper foo that it's quite painful when you touch the wound cuz he said he would!) and i slept in gina's room! hoho. but i missed out the adsports fun in yihao's room!

then thursday came. didn't go for the washing of stores cuz i went to see doc. in the end he treated my elbow and zao xia voice. definitely one of the better doctors in medical centre! after that went to find adsporters in src and had lunch with them in can2! after that bought some groceries and went back to hall to rest (missed out on the day trek recce). did my work studiously! and chatted with jeremy tay.

是該說我懦弱, 還是我的自我保護意識太強了呢?

我不知道.