it's finally a wrap for the series that we're filming since last month, and yet there's still so many post production work to do, like packing up and stuff. not to mention Score shoot that i'm involved (nobody specified my job so i guess it's either i run props (which i doubt so), or i do what i've been doing all along - logging.

logging can be a slack job, cuz most of the time i just have to stay on set, run lines with the actors and maybe help AD (assistant director) or director to check conti and stuff, but my role is jiabalang can. cuz i'm a bloody intern, thus i'm like the lowest life being being ordered around by people. i mean some people are v nice and everything (like Andrea de cruz) but some are totally a pain in the ass! like the stylist, who expects to see photos from us for wardrobe conti, when she's supposed to be the one taking down the photos and stuff. basket.

(and right after the previous sentence i spilled my pomengranate and cranberry juice. dammit)

and yet i can get pissed. i know the director, dop and sound recordist get frustrated with me when i can't do slate properly, or know when to move to a non-blocking place, but hey i'm new and i'm not as sensitive to the shot sizes as them. so i'm like quite **#@(*#_ when they said 'hey 3rd last day already still don't know' stuff.

i don't get pissed with them actually (i kinda teared when an icecream bar hit my head as a result of kuangyong throwing randomly but i still managed through). it's my bosses. they can get really inconsiderate, stuck in their own world, think that they know everything etc. i do understand that they work alot more than we do, thus when we were running around in set they were at the back chatting and stuff i'm ok. it's just the don't hold true to as promised kind of thing. you need to 说到就到 ah.

funny thing is that while i can get pissed and kiong ended up being the person who talks to me and stuff and yet i still feel pissed, i can reason things out with melvin. huh. sometimes for me is 对事不对人, cuz after so many years in sj i've learned that sometimes i shldn't be prejudiced against someone just because he/she had done wrong once. and in this industry everyone start from scratch. some may have progressed rather smoothly without much shit (ie have alot of helpers around) or some, like us, will go through tons of shit. like what kiong said, working in media industry is not just about passion, it's mainly about the perseverance to carry on. c&g is only a 10eps show. imagine we do those dramas. 20eps! it's enough to die (kiong said they can do like 30scenes in one ep lor)

then i likened the work with sj. we put in lots of effort, but the returns would not be equivalent to the amt we have put in. and then the shit stuff. was telling this concept to gua and mel, and mel is like come on we are working, and that is definitely different from sj. which is true, but the feeling is more or less the same.

anyway after this i've decided to leave. initially my plan is to leave late may, which is mid Score, after i've found another job. but now my plans have changed to first week of May. i was quite confident and sure when i told mel and gua that i would leave (initially i told them that to leave at the end of april). but now my decision is wavering. after all, score is definitely much easier to do as compared to c&g, and i like the working environment (ie can wear slippers shorts tee to work). but it can get rather stressful (i would like worry if i would get sacked soon).

for the very least i would complete all outstanding work for c&g, which is bloopers logging and collecting my moolah back.

this upcoming week would be crazy! tmr first shoot, followed by a 6am calltime on monday. then break on tuesday and shoot again on wed-thursday.

as i type the plans down i start to get reluctant again. for starters i do not want to nua at home without moolah coming in. i need to get a new phone, and maybe camera, and then there's GSS in june. omg.

life is a maze and love is a riddle

i don't want to think about it any longer.
2:55 AM