i'm reaching the crossroads where i have to decide whether to leave or not. mel called to tell me that gua is planning to leave like tomorrow, and he still haven't decide whether to leave with me or leave with gua.

to be honest, i'm very hesitant to make a clear decision. i was told right at the beginning, even during the interview, that it is not a glamourous job as one might think, considering that we are in the media industry where we would rub shoulders with celebrities once in a while.

and then i enjoyed the job cuz of the environment. c'mon, i don't need to spend money on getting office attire. most of the time i dun even bother wearing jeans! shorts tshirt and slippers are enough. and it's like a home, where you walk around barefooted, kena attacked by scruffy and the horny chewy, use those nice cups (i love the black pastamania cup) to drink either plain water or some tea that is available in the kitchen. then there's also the free internet access. woo.

then came along F11, which is my maiden attempt on logging. it's in a very controlled environment so it was pretty easy. then the last ep of Score. quite fun too, going on locations.

then C&G 2. that's the thing that made my life totally haywire. all the prep stuff plus shoot days can drive me crazy. it's really fun working with the crew and everything, but we interns have to face lots of saikang to do. and it's the actors who are sympathising us. dammit. yet i quite like the part that we can cab around while running for errands (i can proudly say i have taken almost all types of taxis in sg. probably except for the rolls royce-ish taxi and the london cab-ish taxi) and before/after the time limit. not to mention the free drinks/donuts that i've taken.

most imptly is the pay la. though i don't have to pay pretty much a single cent during shoot days, it's still considered v low ok. it's worse than temp staff doing perm staff work at BTMU! (no i'm not going back)

i'm quite ok with staying until end may, but i shudder at the thought of cataloguing the clothes downstairs (the next intern has lots of things to do man), as well logging for score. i feel super relaxed at the Singapore Conference Hall, where we were doing hostlinks for one of the eps, cuz eileen's the one logging. she would be left alone after me gua mel leave lor. ohmann. but the thing is, the longer i indulge myself in Score, the harder it would be for me to leave (shooting will end in june)

even my dad is okay with me quitting the job. maybe i should try to convince him to allow me to get a camp instructor job. ha. and then i confirm can meet up with jq yy fy. haha. but first i need to be more decisive.

the differences between you and me might have been hidden at the beginning, but they are now glaring at me with such force that i can't turn away. time and again i have to convince myself everything is platonic, and that your behaviour is probably derived from your school experiences. and yet time and again i still find myself burying my head in the sand like an ostrich, with my heart refusing to be subdued by my rationality. today's encounter with you has further proven my point, and i should really not dwell on what i've seen. though you might not have admitted forthrightly, some of the things that you have said have somehow pointed to it. since you have chosen to be vague about it, then so be it. one more reason to convince myself.

that you're not the one.
10:23 PM