i'm in such a blogging mood now! my hands are like itching to type things down. (and i still haven't finish my diary entry yet. dammit) when i haven't finish checking through the otc application forms which i've promised myself to do it today! in fact, i'm doing everything else except doing otc stuff. i surfed facebook (i even went to pet society which i feel damn sian-ed already), surfed blogs etc while ignoring some of the emails. please slap me!

anyway nothing much to blog about my day. eileen complained alot about work today and i quite pity her. ohyes i got a 2nd hand phone (i foresee shiyun going to scold me already) because the w850i that i'm using now is really cranky and stuff. perhaps i'll go sell it but my dad might just kill me. lol.

i'm still struggling.
10:33 PM

it's finally over.

this past 8 weeks of hard work felt like 8months to me. i just realised i only have 1 week of off days in the past 8 weeks! goodness. and most of the working days we are chionging c&g shoot lo. madnessss.

in my 8 weeks i've seen 5 interns come and go, and the four of us (as above, me guakhee eileen melvin) survived. gua came in earliest, around 1,2 mths before i joined in march. eileen came like 1 week after me, and melvin around the same time as eileen but slightly later.

i would say it's really c&g that bonded us 4 together. we've spent so much time at jalan tarum sweeping/mopping/cleaning/fanning/bringing drinks to the actors directors crew/setting up for the scenes/stoning in the styling room while preparing for the next day/bitching, that it is impossible for us not to bond. but sadly towards the end eileen became v busy with score II, thus it's just me gua mel. i quite like the times when we would sit/stand in the kitchen having our meals chatting and marie would join us sometimes. and the bitching sessions!! (:

even though this job has alot of saikang and shit, i still think that there are good moments to remember (thus i dun really agree with what mel has commented on my fb status). like the working environment. it's really quite relaxed when we are just doing office work. in fact, i think most of the media companies/production house probably adopted that kind of environment. like Yolk, and some of the companies that i have gone to when i was running errands for the company. it's probably because of the erratic hours they hafta work.

like the people i've met. peter's crew for c&g, the actors for c&g, marie and kuangyong (who calls me ding. LOL) damn fun to hang out with ok! gurmit and don kept teasing me on the day when i found out don's part of Don&Drew who produced Bouncy Bouncy Smack Smack. ha. and marie our fellow bitching partner! i quite like that windy/rainy night when we stayed in the interrogation room to bitch about the stylist. (the entire crew was saying the heavy rain and strong winds were because of kuangyong leaving and he's kinda like in a bad mood cuz overrun. lol)

come to think about it. i think the stylist for score is a really talented person because he does hair, makeup and wardrobe all by himself. you may say it's just jibby and fay, but to plan for their clothes and everything wayyyy ahead before shoot (all 10eps) and jot it down and stuff is really impressive (cuz the stylist for c&g didnt). and his bf (thus i didnt mention the stylist's name cuz i dunno he would want to announce to the public. not that the people who are reading this blog would actually know him. but i think he's quite a prominent figure) is goodlooking! OMG. he has dropped by before but i didnt really look at him. last night when he came in to wait, the stylist intro-ed me to him and i'm like OMG!

then later on after they have left and me and mel were waiting for gua and fel to go down to the styling room for debrief, i was like proclaiming it to mel about how goodlooking that guy was and then went why the gay guys are so goodlooking~ (okay la there are exceptions). mel gave me some sort of look of disbelief. haha. (cuz he didnt see him ma) and he went so girly honoured/flattered/touched kind of tone when i passed him the gift that me and gua got for him the previous night. that's our dearest gayboy for you. (:

i will miss the work (so sorry to eileen whom we've left behind), but it's time to move on. ytd was such a crazy day! went to office early to finish up the bloopers logging, and then i went along with the score ppl up the bus towards tpy. but i didnt join the shoot because i'm returning stuff to the sponsors. so was going over town and then going back to pick the people up for the next location. then it was more chionging around. stayed in the house because gua needs to go back to the office to sort out the props. then when i was about to go back to the office i realised the padlock for the main gate was missing. had many calls and i got really pissed or more like tired. my tone didn't sound good when mel called me but had no clue where the padlock was (i went why are you calling me then? and he went silent for like a minute plus before hanging up). i mean, call me only when you have news. no point calling me to tell me things that i already knew and which you've told me already.

listened to linkin park while on the way back to the office (mel found the padlock in a box which we've brought back to the office) and then changed to instrumental when i'm feeling slightly better. checked off the stuff that the stylist had borrowed for c&g and did props for today's score shoot in the studio. (we ordered in pizza for dinner) then the final debrief with fel who told us 1, they get us to finish up on labour day (which is crazy), 2, they get us to do next week (but our contracts kinda like end by labour day) 3, they release us that night. and they chose 3.

mel said it was a surreal feeling that we are out of the company already as we walked out, and i totally agree. it ended on such a dramatic note! and seriously we have alot of stuff havent put back. wardrobe alone is crazy. the next intern coming in will go crazy i tell you! summore my sorting out of the wardrobe is only done halfway. ha.

but neh mind (inside joke of c&g2) it's over and so be it! can't wait to get my paycheck next week! and my social life is back to normal again, with my friday and sunday booked (saturday got wedding dinner in malaysia). hehe. :D plus i need to set my sleeping hours back to normal mode. i have been sleeping at 3am for the past few nights. :x

it's no problem of mine
but it's a problem i find

you'll be out of my life.
11:34 AM

i'm reaching the crossroads where i have to decide whether to leave or not. mel called to tell me that gua is planning to leave like tomorrow, and he still haven't decide whether to leave with me or leave with gua.

to be honest, i'm very hesitant to make a clear decision. i was told right at the beginning, even during the interview, that it is not a glamourous job as one might think, considering that we are in the media industry where we would rub shoulders with celebrities once in a while.

and then i enjoyed the job cuz of the environment. c'mon, i don't need to spend money on getting office attire. most of the time i dun even bother wearing jeans! shorts tshirt and slippers are enough. and it's like a home, where you walk around barefooted, kena attacked by scruffy and the horny chewy, use those nice cups (i love the black pastamania cup) to drink either plain water or some tea that is available in the kitchen. then there's also the free internet access. woo.

then came along F11, which is my maiden attempt on logging. it's in a very controlled environment so it was pretty easy. then the last ep of Score. quite fun too, going on locations.

then C&G 2. that's the thing that made my life totally haywire. all the prep stuff plus shoot days can drive me crazy. it's really fun working with the crew and everything, but we interns have to face lots of saikang to do. and it's the actors who are sympathising us. dammit. yet i quite like the part that we can cab around while running for errands (i can proudly say i have taken almost all types of taxis in sg. probably except for the rolls royce-ish taxi and the london cab-ish taxi) and before/after the time limit. not to mention the free drinks/donuts that i've taken.

most imptly is the pay la. though i don't have to pay pretty much a single cent during shoot days, it's still considered v low ok. it's worse than temp staff doing perm staff work at BTMU! (no i'm not going back)

i'm quite ok with staying until end may, but i shudder at the thought of cataloguing the clothes downstairs (the next intern has lots of things to do man), as well logging for score. i feel super relaxed at the Singapore Conference Hall, where we were doing hostlinks for one of the eps, cuz eileen's the one logging. she would be left alone after me gua mel leave lor. ohmann. but the thing is, the longer i indulge myself in Score, the harder it would be for me to leave (shooting will end in june)

even my dad is okay with me quitting the job. maybe i should try to convince him to allow me to get a camp instructor job. ha. and then i confirm can meet up with jq yy fy. haha. but first i need to be more decisive.

the differences between you and me might have been hidden at the beginning, but they are now glaring at me with such force that i can't turn away. time and again i have to convince myself everything is platonic, and that your behaviour is probably derived from your school experiences. and yet time and again i still find myself burying my head in the sand like an ostrich, with my heart refusing to be subdued by my rationality. today's encounter with you has further proven my point, and i should really not dwell on what i've seen. though you might not have admitted forthrightly, some of the things that you have said have somehow pointed to it. since you have chosen to be vague about it, then so be it. one more reason to convince myself.

that you're not the one.
10:23 PM

i should be sleeping and not blogging over here. excessive hunting for a second hand phone and doing otc admin stuff (i'm totally rushing them out. ohman) are taking a toll on me. it's been at least 3 consecutive nights that i would use the laptop till damn late and i would doze off for a while in front of the laptop.

i will try and stop stop stop thinking about it. 2 weeks more and it's goodbye.

oh and happy birthday junyang. (:
1:45 AM

it's finally a wrap for the series that we're filming since last month, and yet there's still so many post production work to do, like packing up and stuff. not to mention Score shoot that i'm involved (nobody specified my job so i guess it's either i run props (which i doubt so), or i do what i've been doing all along - logging.

logging can be a slack job, cuz most of the time i just have to stay on set, run lines with the actors and maybe help AD (assistant director) or director to check conti and stuff, but my role is jiabalang can. cuz i'm a bloody intern, thus i'm like the lowest life being being ordered around by people. i mean some people are v nice and everything (like Andrea de cruz) but some are totally a pain in the ass! like the stylist, who expects to see photos from us for wardrobe conti, when she's supposed to be the one taking down the photos and stuff. basket.

(and right after the previous sentence i spilled my pomengranate and cranberry juice. dammit)

and yet i can get pissed. i know the director, dop and sound recordist get frustrated with me when i can't do slate properly, or know when to move to a non-blocking place, but hey i'm new and i'm not as sensitive to the shot sizes as them. so i'm like quite **#@(*#_ when they said 'hey 3rd last day already still don't know' stuff.

i don't get pissed with them actually (i kinda teared when an icecream bar hit my head as a result of kuangyong throwing randomly but i still managed through). it's my bosses. they can get really inconsiderate, stuck in their own world, think that they know everything etc. i do understand that they work alot more than we do, thus when we were running around in set they were at the back chatting and stuff i'm ok. it's just the don't hold true to as promised kind of thing. you need to 说到就到 ah.

funny thing is that while i can get pissed and kiong ended up being the person who talks to me and stuff and yet i still feel pissed, i can reason things out with melvin. huh. sometimes for me is 对事不对人, cuz after so many years in sj i've learned that sometimes i shldn't be prejudiced against someone just because he/she had done wrong once. and in this industry everyone start from scratch. some may have progressed rather smoothly without much shit (ie have alot of helpers around) or some, like us, will go through tons of shit. like what kiong said, working in media industry is not just about passion, it's mainly about the perseverance to carry on. c&g is only a 10eps show. imagine we do those dramas. 20eps! it's enough to die (kiong said they can do like 30scenes in one ep lor)

then i likened the work with sj. we put in lots of effort, but the returns would not be equivalent to the amt we have put in. and then the shit stuff. was telling this concept to gua and mel, and mel is like come on we are working, and that is definitely different from sj. which is true, but the feeling is more or less the same.

anyway after this i've decided to leave. initially my plan is to leave late may, which is mid Score, after i've found another job. but now my plans have changed to first week of May. i was quite confident and sure when i told mel and gua that i would leave (initially i told them that to leave at the end of april). but now my decision is wavering. after all, score is definitely much easier to do as compared to c&g, and i like the working environment (ie can wear slippers shorts tee to work). but it can get rather stressful (i would like worry if i would get sacked soon).

for the very least i would complete all outstanding work for c&g, which is bloopers logging and collecting my moolah back.

this upcoming week would be crazy! tmr first shoot, followed by a 6am calltime on monday. then break on tuesday and shoot again on wed-thursday.

as i type the plans down i start to get reluctant again. for starters i do not want to nua at home without moolah coming in. i need to get a new phone, and maybe camera, and then there's GSS in june. omg.

life is a maze and love is a riddle

i don't want to think about it any longer.
2:55 AM

街 挤满了微笑
太不适合 眼淚凑热闹
快跑 快寻找 无人的转角
不优雅的时候 一个人最好

愛 说退潮就退潮
我松开手 回忆却没放掉
未来不来了 地球继续绕
躲回温暖的梦 我一个人就好

为什么 越相信谁能依靠
越换来 又一次灵魂寂寥
有没有永远 再不会让心绝望的解药
如果说 越踏出世界一脚
越不能 保留住天真微笑
那从今以后 我一个人过 就很好

心 很平静地跳
只是寂寞 潜伏像海啸
突然某一秒 偷袭我眼角
眼淚自己擦掉 我一个人很好

为什么 越相信谁能依靠
越换来 又一次灵魂寂寥
有没有永远 再不会让心绝望的解药
如果说 越踏出世界一脚
越不能 保留住天真微笑
那从今以后 我一个人过 就很好
11:20 PM

倘若说放一次手 就像咳一个嗽
我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔

今天真是个非常有起伏的日子.
先是早上发生了有点意外性的事情,
晚上则让我得知了一件令我脑袋空空的事情.

早上发生了什么就别提了, 还是铭记在心就够了.
反正也没啥多余的感觉在里面, 我自己感觉就够了.
倒是晚上, 发现了一个惊人的消息.

很惊讶, 因为某种因素.
不过也好, 我还来得及悬崖勒马, 不会让自己陷下去.
我跟他的打打闹闹, 我跟他的互动, 纯粹纯友谊.
没有多余的情绪, 就只是在斗嘴罢了.

所以真的算了, 我会继续我行我素的过我想过的生活.
我既然能理智地分析我的感情, 我就能理智地告诉自己什么都不能想了.
一切的一切, 根本就没有.
是我想太多了.

when i drink Go! milk and the Fruit Tree orange juice i think of how we loved the drinks so much that we kept drinking whenever we can (and the mango juice that we hated), when i listen to khalil i think of how you said so seriously that it sounded like a malay name, and of the times that we listened to his latest album on your phone and when you claimed that Singalongsong sucks and cracked the Long joke. and then there's the no3, furbie (initially 4b) and 4a.

i've misintepreted the signs (there wasnt much in the first place anyway) and see where it has brought me to. ohwell.
11:08 PM

说真的，我很想拥有一个平静的生活。
每天忙碌于工作和社团就够了，我不想有其他不安的因素存在着。
因为我累了。

此时的我，并不想安排愛情进入我的行事历里。
因为那是件很累人的事情。
这么多年来，我一直被感情困扰着，常常陷入该不该放弃或视而不见的窘境里。
虽然有时会有些意外的甜蜜，但那只是友情的展示，以及我的想太多而促成的感觉。

所以心啊，你还是少想太多了。
把注意力和精神花在更有意义的事情吧。
这样我也能少费点心思在想些有的没的，毕竟到头来都是一场空啊。

过了今晚，我对你那蠢蠢欲动，还未确定的感情，最好是能凭空消失吧。
我真的不想看到你就会像个傻瓜做出些傻事。
但至少比起从前我还是比较理智多了。

晚安，祝你早睡。
1:32 AM

oooohhh. i'm going mad. i shld be sleeping but i'm not. even the crazy dude melvin who plans not to sleep tonight has probably gone to bed already. ohmann.

4 more hours before i plan to wake up. i shall just sleep and see what will happen to me later. 12hours of work on good friday! no joke mans. many people think that it's jialat and i agree, cuz next 2 weekends are burned! but we interns have our way to cheer ourselves up. like chionging for sales after shooting at gongshang. wooo. me and eileen are super excited. not too sure about gua and mel though. :D

or entertaining ourselves with gossip, talking about food etc. steamboat outing! hahah. too bad i missed the first outing - botak jones dinner! haha. but at least i had an experience that i would hardly have. :x

now i understood why in the media industry people can get really close and stuff. it's because they went through loads of shit together, like working till 10pm (like today with me gua eileen and melvin), chionging more than 12 hours of work, working for 2 consecutive weeks and counting (before marie churns out the callsheets from 19april onwards) etc etc. it's all the laughter sweat and tears man!

anyway yeah goodnight. for once tons of people said goodnight to me before i said goodnight to them. even junyang said goodnight before me! lol.
3:20 AM

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, I can't do it alone, I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, I can't do it alone, I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

*
i can never ever figure out why you are capable of messing me up with those small actions of yours.
11:04 PM

4 straight days of shoot for more than 12 hours each day. seriously it's no joke manns. today's the first day of the week i reach home before 10! :x

monday we finished earlier than expected, and we even had time to slot in a scene that's scheduled for another day. we wrapped at 7plus (original plan is like 9pm) but because there's rehearsal for a new character so we stayed way beyond 9plus. sian-ed. but at least we interns can chill in the prop room. LOL.

then after that we just kept overrunning. mainly it's due to those problems that we can't quite do anything about it. like the sun (sometimes once we hafta started a shot with sun down, we would have to wait for the sun to be covered by the clouds before we can continue for the next few shots); the bloody planes that just kept going around. initially i thought it's the planes from nee soon air base, then peter koh pointed out that seletar irport is nearby (where the flying club ppl learn to fly planes or practise, not to mention those private planes). other problems can include the main female lead, who is a little girl, unable to remember lines etc. one of the directors got pissed cuz she can't remember her lines and i should have ran through with her before that :x

it's then i realised how much effort it takes to film a show. like sometimes when a character is talking you should do a close up to them and you have to make sure it makes sense whether the people arnd them shld be in view or not etc. it can be a pan shot (moving camera while being fixed to the ground), tracking shot (also moving shot but the camera is on tracks), close up, mid shot, wide shot, long shot, two shot (2 characters in view), 3 shot and it goes on. and in order to come up with the best effect on tv, we would have to take several shots from several angles so that you cover all grounds, and editors will get the best out of them during post production.

most jialat is the sound la. james can totally detect sound from far far away with those microphones and boom of his. we hafta run through takes because sound wasn't good (truck going by, plane flying by etc. even rustling of leaves or running around will affect!) it's no mean feat! today after i got home i watched a bit of 乒乓圆 and i took note of the shots lo. and how they do the products placement. like adidas tops etc. and the conti! must make sure everything is in place lo. goodness.

tmr is another long day but after tomorrow is a rest day! but after that on sunday the director is kuang yong already. alamak! even peter says that these few days are considered relaxed already. when kuang yong comes things will be much faster! omg liddat how i log while manning the slate? or trying to run through lines while doing wardrobe conti?

anyway bobian i'll just take it as it goes! at least i get to drink lots of f&n juices/milk and eat their ice-cream, j.co donuts and food from eatzi gourmet. (: not to mention the fun times when we would crack lame jokes (marie started it and then gurmit and peter would throw some in once in a while), going kinda crazy with becky, peter twirling his camera (he was shooting me marie and gurmit during a cold read today lor) and the nice nice stuff like more food from gurmit, and the hugs from becky before she goes home after she's done for the day. though they don't come often but i still like it. the other day andrea de cruz asked me why i want to work there and i said it's interesting, and she thought i probably wanted to direct in the future. i said no and that i'm considering producing. whoa. producer seh! no mean feat!

but anyway yeah. tomorrow's another long day! i can take it!
10:29 PM