i apologize for the close-to-two-weeks hiatus. was preoccupied with something at home back then and today was the day that relieved my whole family. didn't want to post much stuff here cuz i wasn't pretty much in the mood, even though i still enjoyed myself in the times i hang out with my friends. in fact, i was seeking refuge anywhere but home. that was partly why i chose to turn a blind eye on how my family might have felt with me outside so late on the last night celine was spending in singapore. it was too suffocating for me to stay at home.

i was quite overwhelmed by the mix of emotions, laughing with people on the outside while entertaining depressing thoughts inside. i bottled everything inside before i finally spilled it out to my primary school teacher when i felt really, really touched by him still caring for us despite us graduating 7years ago.

i didn't want to let other people know because it's a very private matter and i seldom talk about my family. i would say only a handful of people actually knew what had happened before or is still happening. i guess i fit into the category of people who treat their friends better than their family because they know that their families will stick to them for life irregardless of how they are like.

in the past 2 weeks, i saw how adversity crushes people easily. i watched him, a loud person, become mellow and talked to us in such gentle tone that i couldn't believe that it was actually happening to him. i thought he would be optimistic, like how i forced myself to be. anyway, now thta the skies have cleared, he was back to his usual self again, laughing loudly and deeply.

anyways, enough of my family issues.

today was one of my worst days in btmu when i was hit with so many shit at one go that i got so pissed off and showed attitude to my mentor. i would say she played a big role in making me so irritated/pissed. and they actually asked me to stay in btmu for a longer period of time. i did entertain that idea, but after today i've decided not to. hell, i'm not a person who can stick to ridiculous protocols (i totally agree with a customer today when he said why need to go through all the stupid procedures when btmu shld have their details, considering that they are one of the biggest customers of btmu. and one of those who owed the most money. LOL)

like what robson had said, don't even think of staying. both of us totally agreed with each other about the shits of btmu, considering we were among the people who stayed the latest to check through the documents and do all the miscellanous stuff. (he would usually leave the office later than me) i was like whining to robson and john while doing total proof cuz i still have a stack of local bills to check so that they can be keyed into the system and send out tomorrow morning. cuz my mentor could have helped to do the total proof but no, she chose to continue to check her bills so that she can leave earlier. (she's like so used to me doing total proof when it's our turn to do) totally pissed mans.

but what to do? in the place where everything needs signatures and double(or even triple) checks and that real money comes into the picture, everybody avoid doing extra things as a way to protect themselves. i lost count of the times when i was chided for doing extra stuff (like helping customer check details when it should be done by other sections etc) and was told that i should just do what i'm supposed to do.

heck, i'm leaving in 3days' time. i will definitely miss some of the people in btmu and being a sentimental person, i might just consider staying but enough is enough. i need to move on. so if you have any job lobangs let me know!

found some old friends in facebook lately and i'm quite happy to talk to them after all these years! then last week had dinner with huihui bernice elaine mschan & her bf. was kinda envious that everybody are having exciting lives now but well, i only have myself to blame. so before next year comes i shall work hard and earn enough money to pay half of my schoolfees as i have promised myself to do. which means i need to restrict myself in shopping! LOL.

i'm thankful that everything is alright again.
9:22 PM