my really, really last day in btmu (will upload the family pic later when i get them from derek and jesslyn)

it was a pretty normal day with me working till the very last minute (i want to do my last total proof balancing, which was my favourite activity of calculating with the noisy calculator), except that we (me jesslyn derek) took a 2hr lunch break instead of our planned 1.5hrs. thanks to gretna and annie who bought and brought tons of food back for us (and for john bobby janet robson and any other people who felt like eating the chicken wings and what nots). camwhored (not much with my camera) all over the place.

when it's like 15mins to 2, i went upstairs to 10th floor to say goodbye to ooi, annie (yeo), jojo and cherie, who summoned me to go up after i've told her yesterday that i'm leaving today. too bad ooi had left for china today. then it's 4th floor to compliance where i sat at my old seat and had a chat with jon caren sheryl catherine meimei. caren even offered me some work to stay in compliance, which is another round of kyc where they do routine checks on high risk customers once every 12mths. it's a lot of work, considering there's like at least 1 cabinet full of high risk customers docs. and 1 cabinet can house like 100 docs?

earlier on before lunch while keying in the docs at gossip corner, annie (ong) came over and asked me if i want to stay. which i had said no. derek said much later on that annie must have really liked me that she had asked me personally for more than once.

but hell, no.

i was torn between to stay or not to stay ever since kevin asked me like a few days ago. i can stay, and that's because of the damn damn thing about habits. it's a killer. on monday i would wake up and imagine myself taking the crowded mrt to the crowded raffles place, walk through the crowded underpass, turn right into republic plaza and depending on my mood, take a lift or take the escalator up and turn left to walk through the smokers' corner and into the building, take the escalator to 2nd floor and then tap my card into btmu and then another door and a flight of staircase to floor 2.5 (there's no 3rd floor). and then i would miss the people there.

then i would think of him and his familiar scent that i've grown to like so much and i would tell myself, good thing that you've chosen to leave.

i wasn't sad that i'll be leaving a bunch of great people, like (from the first dept i'm in) ooi, annie yeo, joesphine (aka jojo), cherie, jasmine (and other people), caren, sheryl, jon, mrschua (though sometimes i cant stand her), huiting, john, noorlin, gretna, annie ong, bobby, desmond (who's leaving next week for bnp paribas), selene, sabina (from AIBD whom i've worked closely with for the irritating Golden Agri and mind-boggling Wilmar bills. we used to sigh to each other over the phone) and the list just goes on. i can even miss the GA people and the nice people from the various companies like Brother, Takasago, Tozen, NTN and even Koyo (though Patricia scolded me once. ha)

what makes me mad (more than sad) is that there is actually someone who disregards the friendliness towards him. i do admit the fact that he's abit like my ec had escalated my anger towards him.

when i heard his reply to an invitation to our sunday's gathering from derek, i was really shocked. he said that if it's just john and selene then it's okay but no because he's 不熟 with the rest, which includes me and derek. then i heard myself saying that well, i guess he's like that because he probably doesn't see himself being with us in the long run and thus doesn't make much effort to be friends with us. (cuz derek was saying he can be really friendly when outside office and i do agree cuz i've seen him talking so animatedly with his friend over the phone before)

then how can i explain his actions so many weeks ago? asking for my (and derek's) number, saying that we can leave together so that can talk more as we take the train together, having dinner together, him giving me logic questions to challenge me, him being concerned and even lent a listening ear to me. isn't him trying to be friendly the very least?

in his one-month hiatus, i told myself let's just get over him and forget about him, since we're predicting that we wouldn't see him even till the day we leave. then he came back. it was awkward in the first week. then during second week it got better. but it didn't change the fact that he now prefers to sit by himself at another side to key in docs instead of the gossip corner and talked lesser.

i do know that everything is just my wistful thinking (i'm not even imagining anything further because there wouldn't be), but i thought we can be friends. (though i tell him some emotional stuff) after all we do agree on some stuff and he still gave me a logic question yesterday. and then this.

i'm mad. i'm really mad. i don't care if he's even seeing this (i was guessing that he was distant to me after he came back cuz he had probably guessed something via internet). he had really disappointed me but well, i knew him only for 3 months (in which he wasn't around for 1mth) so i don't have much grounds to judge him.

so well, it's a good decision to leave btmu. before i get any further (i was thinking perhaps i can get to know him better if i had stayed) and fall deeper. and c'mon, i've even seen MK for 3 consecutive days, talked to him over the phone yesterday (regarding a customer) and watched him leave the building today. it's definitely some sign that i'm done with btmu and time to move on.

goodbye.

谁闯进我的场地 谁让我措手不及
我早就预备的剧情 你却给我一笔
狡猾地 致命地正中我红心

我跟谁变得亲密 谁逐渐离我远去
华丽演出共襄盛举 唯有你的背影
友情客串 却留下刻骨铭心的回忆

我搬到谁的隔壁 谁成了我的邻居
鸣谢生命有你参与 笑纳我的邀请
曲终人散 却写下不会结束 的结局
10:34 PM