i'm very tired. BAH.

went for OCIP selection camp on Friday, which started at 5pm, till Saturday, which ended at around 8pm. SIAO MANN. reached home only at around 9pm plus liddat lo. then e next day, which is today, still got theory examination and MOI. .________.

but i think the camp is quite interesting, with activities that seem really familiar, but they're done in an entirely new way. like e rafia string game. during the station games on saturday morning. and the firedrills in the wee hours of the morning. i'm really impressed with the way they did it, cuz i think by doing that way it would be more effective, better than doing 2 at one go.

and the trek to Bishan Park after the second firedrill at around 4am plus. it's damn crazy!! just like the picking of green/red/brown beans and/or barley at the patch of grass near the long jump pit, which we did at around 10pm plus on friday.

most importantly, it would be the endurance run, which is the last activity of the camp, starting at around 4pm plus to 6pm plus. ran for 1HOUR, 12MINUTES, 7SECONDS. think i ran about 20rounds around the 3rd/4th lane lo. and got some ppl like linze who ran damn fast lar. think he ran past me along with eliza for like 5times? and that was towards the end of the run lo. AMAZING.

oh yar, there's also the cleaning of the cafe, which is also really crazy, cuz we're supposed to clean the cafe and boy, the cafe's really dirty! we washed away like 3nests of ants or sth! ewws. =x

overall i think my group (aka group1) is not exactly that good. got some people who can be like really scared of doing certain things without evening trying lar. bleah.

the irritating thing is that, when i woke up this morning i got muscle aches all over my body. GAH. and yet i'm the Course I/C for the day.

but i think i really screwed up while doing Course I/C today. like i mindblock and ended up not reciting the last 2 lines of the Officer Creed and i forgot the command for opening up of ranks.

think i screwed up my theory and MOI mann. my MOI is like the dullest of them all lo.

sigh. i'm feeling damn tired now. maybe it's because i'm out for too long and thought of too much stuff.

and regarding you, i think i should just let things run its natural course bahh. can't force things to happen. and it's not like i wouldn't get to see you anymore.

where'd you go
i miss you so

2242hrs
10:32 PM

now taking a break after working on my MOI and typing a page off my notebook for yesterday's meeting minutes. it sucks when you cannot use computer (and internet) when you're at home. BAH. not that i have much time at home to do the stuff anyway. am supposed to finish the minutes and MOI by Friday, cuz I would be away for OCIP Selection Camp (which bryant doesn't think that i would be chosen. you should have seen his expression yesterday. YIKES)

OTC is drawing to a close with the theory examination and MOI on this upcoming Sunday. and i tio COURSE I/C!! urgh. shouldn't have walked to HQ with leovin last Sunday, because while on the way he asked me if i've gotten any leadership positions (ie Group I/C or one of the heads for the OTC projects) and i said no. then he 'welcomed' me into the dangerous group of tio-ing.

but on a brighter note, i only got course i/c, while that guy got AGI 2006 CHAIRMAN. woohoo! xD

on another note, hong junyang's coming to SAJC for some concert today. think it's starting now cuz Mr Peh is making another reminder through the PA system. LOL. and nobody's going with the SA Combined Band Concert with me! boohoos. so if you're interested please contact me asap! the concert will be on next Saturday at Esplanade and you'll get to listen the combined performance by SAJS, SAS and SAJC band!

tomorrow's Service Learning Day! though my class has finished our service learning (we sold cookies and brownies!), we still have to report to school. BAH. but we're going out afterwards! so all the best to those who have to do service learning tomorrow! like a certain class that's going to the PAP kindergarten. hopefully you don't scare the kids away. wahhs. (:

i realised i've been typing proper english (without the caps and everything as yet) and leaving out the lar lor leh wor. amazing. yeah.

i have been seeing you when i'm on my way to school. and we've never acknowledged each other's presence except for once. i know you saw me, but i guess you chose to ignore me, because i have a group of friends with me and you with a companion sometimes. same thing happens in school. the times i initiated a talk with you is so much more than the times you initiated. like yesterday. i can just walk past you and you would remain silent, as though i'm not there.

and yet i still can't get my mind off you. the way you talked, the way you behaved and especially the way you smile. i'm still not sure how exactly do i feel towards you. sometimes you're just plain cocky and ungentlemanly. so it might be a passing infatuation, or it might drag on for a long long time..

tell me a way to be away from you

1624hrs
4:02 PM

stayed up till pretty early in the morning. but didn't substain as late as the other one, who sent out a message at 3.04am. amazing eh.

sorry for not doing what you've asked me to do in the wee hours in the morning. too tired i guess. and sorry for disturbing your sleep just now. kinda figured that the reason you didn't reply to my last message is probably either you're woken up by my messages and were obliged to answer some of them, after that you just continued back to sleep, and/or because you want to save on your free smses. both have equal possibility to happen, given the personality that i've known you for and the past experiences.

it's funny how things happen at certain periods of time. like i have been walking past certain places without realising i would walk past that place even more after some things happened. i began to grow more conscious and sometimes i got kinda angry at what i'm doing. the level of extent isn't as much as what i've done last term. not even close.

1158hrs
11:45 AM

you need to get out of my mind before i really go crazy.

1911hrs
7:14 PM

these two days have been rather terrifying, cuz i got back my Physics and Chemistry results.

physics is a BIG FAT U and keynes seems so shocked that my marks are even lower than his. he was even saying i can lead those who failed terribly to continue on as o7s05. SIAO.

then chemistry is slightly better. an E. if i got my electronic configuration correctly, i would have passed and get a D instead. but well. bleah.

lessons officially ended at 12.45 cuz the j1s taking chinese got listening comprehension today. HEH.

went up to 4th floor to bake cookies and brownies at arnd 1pm liddat. but i wandered around quite much. lol. kajiao-ed bryant before he go for listening comprehension. and saw Mr Kevin Low, my chem tutor back in nyjc! thin as always. (:

got once when me maurice lester were downstairs at 1st floor when we decided to run around the track. IN FULL UNIFORM. lol. saw a bunch of people gathering near the flagpoles.

the cookies are not bad lar. quite a commendable effort. hehes.

after we got to first floor from the kitchen (at 4th floor), met bryant who asked me whether wanna go watch rugby friendly match against some Australians and cassandra who agreed with me that those Australians are hot. HEHEs.

the match was already undergoing when we reached there. didn't watch much of the match cuz we were more of talking among ourselves and passing the rugby ball around. (shaun bryant cassandra) but talked quite much stuff. ha.

then left the school with bryant at around 7 (which cassandra said it's only 7pm. lol). climbed out of the school by the fence near the side gate cuz the school management decided to lock the side gate by 6pm as they find that got too many suspicious people walking around the school.

bryant seems rather amazed that i just jumped off liddat (i threw my bag onto the ground) while he's like hafta slowly climb down liddat. hehe. jumping down is so much easier cann. hehe. then walked to the mrt station and chatted as we walked along.

took to SengKang and then take 965 home. has been ages since i went home so late. lols.

tomorrow taking back maths paper. alamaks. hopefully can get a D bah. then will form DUE. haaa. some of us are like trying to form words with our grades. siva was saying later he get SSS. ha. and maurice said he want to form BED. lols.

week4 already, and i havent plan my MOI yet! goodness. =x

i don't understand myself sometimes

2120hrs
8:54 PM

maybe it's the injuries on my head.

maybe i've been staring at the computer for too long.

maybe i've been sleeping later than usual.

maybe.

why is this happening. i dunno why. it was totally unexpected at all.

anyway things have been happening very unexpectedly to me or around me, so i shouldn't be so surprised after all. =x

i just hope, it doesn't get to go on any further.

they say absence makes the heart fonder, but i beg to differ.

0017hrs
12:12 AM

sometimes when i feel really tired, i would start to miss my sec2-3 life greatly. those were the days when we can just play the whole day long. we stayed in class to crap, listen to songs, watch the guys play ping-pong on the teacher's table with our literature book. or charge for the sjab room straight after school where we sit on the 'sofas' to listen to songs, crap, do homework, sleep etc and then go over to Summerjoy at around evening time to buy fries and bubble tea or waffles at the bakery before heading home.

those were the days where you can say there's almost no worries at all.

although i've been like wanting to get an exco position since like secondary school, somehow it can be rather draining. like secretly using the internet cuz contact the V1s about ventures stuff, like smsing so many people to confirm stuffs. and i finally got myself to call people, because my smses will run out before the month ends if i continue smsing.

and somehow, i actually find talking on the phone rather alright le, though i still can't stand my extremely husky/low voice lar.

JC life is currently going on at a fast speed and it's already the end of week3 before i know it. will know my physics results next monday and i'm prepared for a U. then there's e OTC theory examination and MOI on First Aid on week5 sunday, econs test on week7 friday, and the endless deadlines for project work.

wednesday met redbean at Ang Mo Kio while i was on my way back to Anderson for comp training. it's been like eons since i've seen him and he's still the same, carrying the same old black sling bag and the same fair skin colour. really felt nostalgic.

today's SAJC 29th Student Council Commendation and was held at St Andrew's Cathedral as tradition. was surprised to see the new Cathedral Sanctuary. didn't see that when i went there last year for the SAS Commendation wor.

was brought up to some room where we watched the ceremony via video, cuz the cathedral cannot hold everyone. the school should have thought about the number of J1s before saying it's compulsory for everyone to go. if you really go and get all those who ponned the ceremony to the cathedral, i think the room upstairs isn't enough lo.

while singing the hymns, got this weird male voice who's singing with a mike and seriously, his singing sucks.

and i really love the school hymn. (:

went to Bugis after the commendation and took neoprints. have been camera-whoring for this whole week. took like 4 neoprints already le lo. ha!

i like this picture. it feels as though we're taking this picture at night and not inside the mrt platform. =D

yumin me peixuan fiona caiying

i have been hanging out with the CO girls quite much this week. cuz xiaoxuan got council commendation, leesi got upcoming choir concert, nathalie got upcoming racial harmony celebration and that leaves me with yumin, but she got ODAC stuff too. so we arranged to go out together perhaps next week. BREEKS! lol.

weekend is going to be so packed. i'm gonna be going out early in the morning and reaching home only arnd 9,10pm plus liddat for the next two days. goodness!

and hopefully my mind wun drift off to some unknown places.

chocolate donuts make me happy.

1817hrs

5:30 PM

today finally marks the end of the first JC common test! =D

my mum thought that i'm only ending it tomorrow. LOL.

hopefully i can pass at least my chem and maths. GP is kinda risky and physics is a TOTAL CRAP. didn't do a lot of questions. so many marks flew away. =x

after today's paper, headed for Orchard with xiaoxuan peixuan liting fiona janice caiying elaine! realised that i haven't been there since like e last week of holidays.

went to Lido to buy tickets for 왕의 남자, aka King And The Clown. =D

after that lunched. Long John Silvers! but i don't understand how come it's more expensive at Lido. 0.o

then went over to Far East Plaza to take neoprints. after that chionged back to Lido and met up with zhenyew.

the movie rocks cann! it's funny, touching and has a tragic side too. and i'm amazed by the two main characters' ability to walk on the ropes so easily. =D


and it's about gays! lol. the king didn't like really show some lecherous side, cuz i think he's just interested in the fact that Gong-gil looks so much like a girl when he's actually a guy.


Lee Joon-Ki!!!

ahhh. think all the other girls who went to watch the movie with me today were saying that he's really chio and like a girl after the movie. to me, he's okay lar. he IS very pretty. that i don't deny. but i don't find him to be like a girl. more like a transversite. =x

maybe it's because of the sharp lines on his face. and his eyes. are so masculine cann. hahaa.

this is SOOOOOO much better. he looks better as a guy! *GRINS

after the movie went to The Heeren to take neoprints again. quite fun. lol.

and well, yar.

went over to Bishan after that to buy a new Scouts skirt. oh well. then headed home.

i think SA is so not sporting as to give the J1s some well-deserved breaks after the midyears. WHERE'S OUR POLLING HOLIDAY? not to mention our rugby champion holiday too.

SO UNFAIR. =(

after the midyears cant slack le. must chiong for H1 econs paper in August. bleah. and still got the Aquila Ventures stuff coming up. and the SJAB stuff coming up. and not to mention i'm trying out for the OCIP trip. and i'm considering the Camporee thingy for Scouts.

i'm going nuts mann!

working can get my mind off irrevelant stuff

2027hrs

8:00 PM

我会发着呆 然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着哪一天 会有人代替
让我不再想念你

我会发着呆 然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼
又想了一遍 你温柔的脸
在我忘记之前

1134hrs
11:36 AM

second day of midyrs. chemistry is still quite alright. should be quite confident for this subject as compared to the upcoming physics and maths bah.

after exams went to Junction 8 with 7 girls. heh. me xiaoxuan leesi nathalie yumin geokhian wanling and the last girl whom i forgot the name. =x

lunched at Yoshinoya and was playing down there. heh. saw many rafflesians (rjc). GAH.

after lunch went up to fourth floor to walk arnd. then went down to first floor. took nathalie to Crystal Jade Bakery to buy bread.

after that we parted. went to S&K to see some jeans with xiaoxuan. after coming out was looking for nathalie geokhian cuz they taking bus at the MRT station. then saw hashir, our Prom King 2005, with his rjc class.

and then i saw him.

i was just casually turning to my left and kinda like scanning through hashir's class. i really didn't expect to see him there.

when i went to Junction 8 on weekday afternoons (not during holidays), i would like wondering if i would be able to see my primary school friends there. after all, there's quite a number of guys in my class who went to RI, and some girls managed to go RJC lar. yup. before today only like seen twice lar. and those aren't exactly the people that i want to see.

though i did ponder about the same thing today too.

haven't seen him like since last year bah. sometimes i would meet him on the train while heading for school. either it's because i've decided to go to school very late, or he deliberately go earlier (or even later than me), somehow i just didn't see him anymore.

so it's been like one year le i guess.

i can't remember much stuff about primary school. but there're still some that i will always remember. like me and shiukit would kick/whack each other when we sat together in Primary 4 (i strongly protested when my form teacher, Ms Ng, announced the arrangement). got a crazy guy kevin (or kelvin?) who's crazy over a girl called florina and wanted to give her a ring. my primary5-6 form teacher Mr Ng who likes to himself Majesty and have Imperial Guards, Imperial Jester, Imperial Advisor, Imperial Irritant and so on. he also like to give us lots of nicknames and gossips a lot. BLEAH. like the computer room incident during the PSLE English Oral.

and then it's e so-called rivalry between me and him in primary 6.

all because of a stupid gunny-sack. if not for that, things might not have turned out the way it is for the rest of the year after March. we probably would have smiled or something when we saw each other just now, cuz i think he recognized me. but what was left was just surprise/shock on both of our faces when we see each other.

i did ask him 2 years ago why we became like that in primary 6 after the gunny-sack incident. he said it's something that i wish to keep it to myself (:. something like that.

5 years. it's been 5 years already. and i still can't forget this matter.

have you ever loved and lost somebody
wished there was a chance to say i'm sorry
can't you see
that's the way i feel, about you and me baby

1436hrs
2:16 PM

蔡依林 - 最终话

终于太阳 还是升起
蒸发昨夜 为你落的淚滴
终于自己 能为自己
呼吸一口 不为你活的

呼吸 为自己而呼吸
为自己而心跳 为自己而快乐和伤心
噢噢 明天 会有新的剧情
会有人更爱我 会有不再委屈的命运
不再改变那些为你改变的个性
不再忍耐那些长久忍耐的心情
虽然心还疼痛地 回忆最初的场景

一开始你 就准备好
最后一集 你抽身干净
成全了你 也就是我成全自己
最后最美丽的期许

那天你眼神泄漏孩子气
我偷偷下定给你幸福的决定
那开场白说得越真越壮丽
那最终话就是 遗憾的天地
不该继续叹息 再次深深

呼吸 为自己而呼吸
为自己而心跳 为自己而快乐和伤心
明天 会有新的剧情
会有人更爱我 会有不再委屈的命运
不再改变那些为你改变的个性
不再忍耐那些长久忍耐的耳语
虽然心还疼痛地 感谢名单还有你

终于太阳 还是升起
蒸发昨夜 为你落的淚滴
终于自己 能为自己
呼吸一口 我不为你活的呼吸

最终话的最终场景
女孩中他的背影

*
呼吸 为自己而呼吸 为自己而心跳 为自己而快乐和伤心

1125hrs
11:08 AM

feeling kinda random. AHHH.

maybe it's because of iven's random Friendster testimonial. LOL.

or that i'm feeling sians about tmr's OTC course. but to think about it, that would mean i'm going to be a course day closer to graduation, provided i pass my theory examination. i've been on a failing streak for my first aid exams back when i was a cadet. heh.

can't exactly concentrate on studying, even though GP will be on Tuesday, and Chemistry on Wednesday. GAH.

my mind has been kinda on an overdrive, especially when i was on the way to Malaysia. cuz i got nothing to do, so i started flipping through anything i can find in my phone.

@*(^$&#^%)Y&^*#

sigh.

anyway i find this song kinda inspiring. yepp.

蔡健雅 - Beautiful Love

看住时间 别让它流浪
从前我 太适应悲伤
你的出现在无意中 却深深撼动我
一起走着 没说什么 心是满足的

这个世界 随时都要崩塌
我没有 其他的愿望
假如明天将消失了 趁现在我爱着
只想记得 被你抱着 温热的感受

Love's beautiful So beautiful
我失去过 更珍惜拥有
多庆幸我是我 被你疼爱的我
紧紧牵住的手 不要放手 永远守护我

Love's beautiful So beautiful
我很快乐 你会了解我
我不会哭泣 是因为我相信
我们勇敢的爱着 每秒钟
都能证明 一生的美丽

Love's beautiful So beautiful

*
everything will go as what i've decided during the holidays. they will.

i still dream. but not of you anymore..

2325hrs
11:08 PM