wad's wrong with me?!?! *@(&*^&&

something is really wrong. if not i wouldnt be feeling e blues again. n it's past valentine's day for goodness' sake. maybe it's total defence day blues? arghhh.

maybe it could be because i'm probably leaving ny, so suddenly i have nothing to do in ny. it's like, in e past it was kinda packed with activities, in such a way that i would like have only one or two days i would reach home before nighttime arrives. den suddenly i'm freed of activities and i started loitering around anywhere i can go. yesterday was to boon lay; today to sengkang.

hopefully life in sa would be fun, otherwise i would be bored to death. n provided i'm going there for sure. nothing is confirmed until the posting results comes out.

or perhaps i'm feeling e blues because i still don't feel belonged in anywhere. now when i feel bored, i would sms my secondary school frens, but they would be busy with many things, and i'll be left alone. people in ny asked me why i don't want to go home early (and jiaqing envied me cuz i'm sian bcuz i've got nth to do n he's sian cuz he got lessons to go to) when i could. but i just don't want. i don't know why.

in e past few weeks i thought i'll be like e spokesperson for everyone in e class. but suddenly, everyone opened up to each other n i felt as though i'm being ditched one side again.

is there anything wrong with me that i didn't know? can someone please enlighten me so that i can change for the better? and hopefully i can change in time before i get my posting results. =x

last friday i said i don't feel belonged, but jasmine said that it's good that i don't feel belonged, because i wouldnt get hurt easily. but i WANT to feel belonged. all those i've trusted have gone to somewhere so much further away from me, and i feel stranded.

is it really hard to find some friends i could really put my heart in?

2216hrs
10:07 PM